Adam Troy Castro by Ego To Go

Author:Ego To Go
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Published: 2012-01-26T00:36:59+00:00

“That can’t be true! My Haiku alone —”

“First rule of human social interaction, Mr. Porter: If you have to lead with Haiku, you’ve already lost.”

“But you’re the one who —”

Feeble dismissed the previous week with a wave of a hand. “Last week we fixed a symptom. But you need more than confidence, Brad. Something actually valued by society as a whole. Something that would make your self-admiration a logical outgrowth of your own actual worth. Something, in short, that will render you a valued commodity in the commerce of interpersonal relations.”

Porter removed his mirrorshades, revealing eyes that, this time out, bespoke a deeply troubled soul beneath the flashy, self-confident exterior. “Something expensive, in other words.”

Feeble shrugged. “You want a quick fix, buy your prosthetics from a vending machine. There’s a Slick Charm dispenser on Mall Level Twelve. But people are sophisticated. First time the conversation turns to something substantive, they’ll be able to spot you as the phony you are. It takes a top-of-the-line prosthetic to make people leap from their chairs, clap their hands over their chests, and exclaim, By God! That Porter Fella’s A Titan Among Men, Somebody I Feel Damn Privileged to Know.”

“Right now,” Porter said glumly, “given the current state of my finances after last week’s fitting, I’ll settle for a budget prosthetic and not being universally despised.”

“As you wish. You can always upgrade.” Feeble looked around for an ashtray, found none, then placed the cigar at the tip of his counter to let it flake spent ash onto his carpet. “Hmmm. You said it was Ms. Crosby who first directed you to this establishment. Is she your closest friend at your place of employment ?”

“I don’t have any close friends there,” said Porter, “but she is one of the few who don’t run shrieking from the sight of me.”

“And does she concur with the common opinion that you’re a self-centered, egotistical creep?”

“She told me just this morning that she does. — In the friendliest possible way, of course.”

Feeble’s gaze went deep and penetrating. “And how friendly can that be, Brad ?”

Porter colored. Lowered his eyes. Dug his hands into his pockets and bashfully kicked at his heels. “You had to be there.”

“I see. — Well, sir, since she’s the closest thing you have to a friend, you must know a lot about her. Tell me, is she happy in her job? Does she have any pets? What does she do for fun in her spare time? What’s the one thing she’d do differently if she had her life to live over? How’s her health? Is she married?

Has she ever had a brain-rinse? Did she ever indulge in sentient fusion? Do you know the answers to any of these questions? Even one of them, Mr. Porter?”

“Of course not. Why would I care?”

“She’s right, Brad. You are a self-centered, egotistical creep.” “Hey!”

Feeble raised both hands in mock surrender. “Don’t take it personally, my good man. That’s a professional diagnosis. And right now it’s my professional opinion that

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